Dear Dude Who Snuck onto Hanson’s Tour Bus and Spat on Zac Hanson,
Oh, dear. Meanie can barely believe that she finds herself in the position of needing to write ANOTHER open letter to a slightly-off-his-rocker music fan only two weeks after the last one… but here we are, kittens. Dude Who Snuck onto Hanson’s Tour Bus, Meanie needs to have a few words with you about this:
First off, kitten: What on earth made you think it was appropriate to sneak onto Hanson’s tour bus in the first place? If you were relaxing in your own vehicle, how would you take it if a random stranger manhandled his way in and started relaxing alongside you? Meanie would guess the answer is “not well.”
As was the case with Beyonce’s overzealous fan, Meanie understands that perhaps your desire to spend a moment in the band’s tour bus arises from misguided feeling that you, in your intense fandom, personally know Zac, Taylor, and Isaac. Or perhaps you are simply a jerk who was dared by his equally jerky buddies to worm your way into Hanson’s inner bastion. Either way, though, your behavior is even more unacceptable than Mr. Overzealous Beyonce Fan’s due to this simple fact: When Zac attempted to escort you off the premises, you spat in his face.
Read Mean Betty: An Open Letter to the Overzealous Beyonce Fan Who Tried to Pull Her Into the Audience
What did you hope to accomplish by expelling the contents of your mouth in the face of a stranger? If you were displeased about the fact that Hanson did not take kindly to having a person they did not know invade their personal space, may Meanie remind you that you had no business being there in the first place. When, as musicians tend to be, one is on the road for lengthy amounts of time, one’s tour bus is one’s home away from home. It is a sacred space, meant for relaxing away from the harsh glare of the public eye. As such, the band was perfectly in their rights to ask you to leave. Expectorating on Zac did not, nor will ever, change this fact.
If you felt humiliated at being forced to leave and therefore felt your only retaliation option was to humiliate those doing the forcing (and may Meanie remind you, they appear to have done it in the nicest way possible), you failed in this respect as well. Zac was unfazed by the flying saliva, merely wiping it off and later Tweeting the following:
Gonna be a good show tonight, I cleaned off all the spit and I am feeling ready to go! -Z
— HANSON (@hansonmusic) October 1, 2013
Kitten? Meanie has the following words of advice for you: Although it is tempting to think that because a person or group of people are public figures, they are therefore “asking for” invasions of privacy, this is simply not the case—and furthermore, such logic as this is a slippery slope to even grievous violations against your fellow humans than spitting in their faces. Meanie would suggest that you veer from this course immediately, less you endanger others in significantly worse ways in the future.
Also, some anger management classes may be in order. Meanie is sure that her darling Butler will be more than willing to help you find out more, should you require his assistance.
Butler, dear? Another mimosa, if you will?
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