I don’t know how to begin my Goings On column this week. I’m disgusted and ashamed of what I have to write about. I’ve been waking up in cold sweats worrying about how to tell you about one of the strangest up-and-down roller coasters of live music in Calgary. But I know you need me, and I need you too, damn it. Let’s just power through this together….
The week opens with an appearance from Theory of a Deadman who, for lack of a better term, are a poor person’s Nickelback. It’s strange, I know, because Nickelback already make music for the poor and uneducated, but Deadman somehow embody an even worse, even lower-brow brand of rock music. The band will infect the Jack Singer Concert Hall on Thursday, January 26. Here’s hoping the odours of Axe body spray, cheap flasks and a general ass smell don’t haunt the Epcor Centre for future performers.
Is dubstep better than shitty butthole rock? I suppose it depends who you ask. Either way, a dubstep duo from Montreal called Adventure Club will be performing at The Gateway that same night. If you’re looking to meet a girl who looks like Skrillex, this is your best bet.
Come Saturday, January 28 there are a bunch of musical choices, though they certainly aren’t all good. Your best bet is most likely the weed-induced party punk of hometown hot-boxers Chron Goblin, who will be joined by Calgarian creeps The Forbidden Dimension at The Palomino. In fact, you can read all about the latter band’s legacy on this very page.
One event I can’t recommend in good conscience, however, is City and Colour. The band will add to the Deadman douche vapours at the Jack Singer with a two-night stand on Saturday, January 28 and Sunday, January 29. I’m not sure who asked for a Cancon version of Dashboard Confessional, but here he is. People with nautical star and/or sparrow tattoos looking for a good cry will find everything they need here.
In fact, the most charming option for Saturday, January 28 might just be MMMBoppin’ brothers Hanson, who are now old enough to perform at the Deerfoot Inn & Casino. My sister-in-law used to host a Hanson fan site on Geocities, and her email address used to be email@example.com. So that’s at least one person who’ll be sticking around for the brothers’ autographs.
If nothing else, this topsy-turvy week feels like a sign of the end times. To help you process that, apocalyptic rockers (and Fast Forward Weekly cover stars) Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra will bring their sounds to the Republik on Tuesday, January 31. Touring North America before returning to their other band, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, this performance is most definitely one you shouldn’t miss.