Team Hanson vs. Team Jonas

By | September 8, 2010


There’s something about a brother group that tends to drive your average Tiger Beat subscriber wild.

In the ’90s, the three brothers Hanson emerged from the middle of nowhere with “Middle of Nowhere,” topping Billboard’s Hot 100 with the multi-platinum album’s breakthrough single, “MMMBop.”

A decade later, the three brothers Jonas scored their first Top 40 single, “Year 3000,” going on to land a Disney Channel series while sending two successive full-length efforts to the top of Billboard’s album charts.

All six brothers will be in the Valley today in a cosmic convergence of throbbing female hearts. To celebrate, we’ve assembled this handy guide to the pre-teen dream dates of two generations.

Your average cougar, of course, would gladly take all six.

Hanson’s breakthrough single: “MMMBop” topped the charts in 27 countries, its sing-along chorus recalling the hits of an earlier brother group, the Jackson 5. The song went on to top the Pazz & Jop poll, an annual survey of hundreds of music critics put together by the Village Voice.

Jonas Brothers’ breakthrough single: “Year 3000” gave the boys their first Top 40 single, but they made a bigger splash with “S.O.S.,” which hit No. 17 (and spent two weeks at No. 4 on Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart). The video has been viewed more than 82 million times in just over three years on YouTube.

the question
Who had the better breakthrough single?
The Jonas Brothers
They both make my ears bleed

Age of youngest brother at the time of mainstream breakthrough:

Zac Hanson was 11 when they topped the charts with “MMMBop.” Nick Jonas was 14 when they hit the charts with “S.O.S.”

the question
Who is more impressive?
Zac, obviously, for being younger
Nick, because I say so
The real question is, who is cuter?

Awesome Tiger Beat quote:

Hanson: Zac in March 2000, on the prospect of having a normal relationship at the height of teen idol-dom: “We’ve had offers of marriage. Like ‘Marry me!’ and you go, ‘I don’t know you!’ ”

Jonas Brothers: Asked who they go to for relationship advice, Kevin, as expected, admitted, “We go to each other. Honestly, we like to hang out and just talk to each other sometimes.”

the question
Based on a frivolous, cherry-picked quote from “Tiger Beat,” who do you think has a better shot at love?
–> Zac — he’s discerning
–> Kevin — his bros have his back
Both, hopefully, considering they’ve already gotten hitched
Neither, because they didn’t marry me

Street cred by association:

Hanson and the Dust Brothers: “MMMBop” was produced by a brother group made up of people who aren’t really brothers, the Dust Brothers, whose claim to hipster immortality is more likely to rest on the records they did with the Beastie Boys and Beck, whose last name only sounds like he’s their brother (it’s Hansen, not Hanson).

Jonas Brothers and Elvis Costello: After frequently mentioning Elvis Costello as an inspiration, the Jonas Brothers were given a chance to talk shop with Costello in a meeting of the minds arranged by Rolling Stone.

the question
Who has the better mentor?
The Jonas Brothers
Seriously, it’s clearly the Jonas Brothers
Hanson, just because I hate the Jonas Brothers

Hanson on the Jonas Brothers: In 2009, Zac told the Albany Times Union, “From what I understand, they’re talented. They write songs. They can sing. But to be honest, I just don’t feel like their music is really getting out there too much. It’s more about this pop-culture sensation.”

The Jonas Brothers on Hanson: Asked in a video chat in 2008 if they would consider recording with Hanson, Joe and Nick replied, “Maybe,” and Kevin said, “But in their longhair days.”

Classic teen magazine cover blurb: “Hanson is hot! And guess what . . . they’re all single!” (Teen magazine)

Favorite food: “Anything that’s fried in bacon grease.”- Zac Hanson, in a chat at

Chick to whom they lost their best new artist Grammy, not their hearts: Paula Cole.

Classic teen magazine cover blurb: Why Demi came between Nick and Selena! (Tiger Beat . . . and that’s Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez.)

Favorite food: “I love my grandma’s homemade pizza. First of all, you’ve gotta say your grandma’s pizza is better than any pizza in the world. But it is the best because she’s Italian.” – Joe Jonas,

Chick to whom they lost their best new artist Grammy, not their hearts: Adele.

Jonas Brothers
With: Demi Lovato.
When: 7:30 p.m. today.
Where: Cricket Wireless Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave., Phoenix.
Admission: $37.50-$97.50.
Details: 877-598-8497;

With: A Rocket to the Moon.
When: 7 p.m. today.
Where: Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St.
Admission: $32.
Details: 480-644-6500,

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